Is my child autistic? A gentle self-check for parents

For us, it was the television

The moment one of her favourite songs came on, she’d turn straight to the screen — and the moment it stopped, she’d turn again, looking for it. But when we called her name, from a step away, she didn’t turn at all. She could hear; she just didn’t answer to us the way she answered to that song.

That was the thing I couldn’t put down. I was afraid of what it might mean — but I was more afraid of not knowing. It felt better to look for the truth than to stay comfortable in denial. When I read around, the advice I kept meeting was the same: wait until she’s about three before taking her to a paediatrician. So we waited.

If there’s one thing I’d pass on, it’s this. That single contrast — the song she turned to, the name she didn’t — wasn’t a diagnosis. But it was a pattern, and I was the one who could see it, night after night, in our own living room. If you’re noticing something like that in yours, you don’t have to be certain to take it seriously. And you may not have to wait as long as we did: the guidance now points to checking earlier, not later.

What a self-check can — and can’t — do

A self-check is a way of organising what you’re already noticing. It cannot diagnose, and neither can an online quiz — autism is identified by trained clinicians who observe your child and take a careful history. Hold two things in mind as you read on:

• One sign is not autism. Plenty of typically-developing children flap when excited, line up toys, or go through a fussy-eating phase. Autism shows up as a cluster of differences, not a single behaviour.
• Look for the pattern: across settings, over time. A behaviour that appears at home and at childcare, with you and with grandparents, and holds steady over weeks, tells you far more than a one-off. You are the person best placed to see that pattern — no one else watches your child as many hours as you do.

The everyday patterns to notice

These are the sign groups the NHS describes in young children. Read them as “does this rhyme with my child, often?” — not as a checklist to tally.

Communication

• Doesn’t respond to their name (though hearing is fine — like our daughter with the television)
• Starts to speak later, or uses fewer words and gestures than other children
• Uses eye contact less often; fewer facial expressions
• Repeats words or phrases; talks intensely about a narrow interest

Connection and play

• Doesn’t often point to share something interesting, or look back and forth between an object and you
• May take your hand and lead you to what they want, rather than pointing
• Seems less interested in other children; finds joining in play hard
• Little or no pretend play

Repetition and routine

• Repetitive movements — rocking, spinning, hand-flapping (stimming)
• Enjoys repetitive actions, like opening and closing doors
• Very strong, fixed interests; upset by small changes in routine

Senses

• Reacts very strongly, or barely at all, to sounds, lights, smells, tastes or textures
• Dislikes bright or noisy places, certain clothes, or foods that touch

There are also age-anchored moments the American Academy of Pediatrics highlights: by around 12 months most children look where you point; by 18 months most point at things simply to share them with you. If those “showing you” moments rarely happen, it’s worth noting.

The signs that hide

Two patterns catch parents out, so they’re worth naming plainly:

• Girls, and children who mask. The NHS notes autistic girls may copy how other children play, stay quiet in situations they find hard, and appear to cope socially — showing fewer obvious repetitive behaviours than boys. “She’s sociable at school” does not rule autism out.
• Losing skills. About one in four children later diagnosed with autism develop some words or gestures and then gradually stop using them, often between 15 and 24 months. Any loss of skills is a reason to speak to a doctor promptly — don’t wait and see on this one.

“I think it might be yes” — what to do next in Singapore

If the pattern is holding and your instinct won’t settle, the next step is simple and low-stakes: get a professional set of eyes on it.

1. Raise it with a doctor. Start with your GP or a polyclinic doctor, or go directly to a developmental clinic. Bring a few concrete examples — the more everyday, the better.
2. Get a developmental assessment. In the public system this is KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital’s Department of Child Development (KKH DCD) or the National University Hospital Child Development Unit (NUH CDU); privately, a developmental paediatrician. Our step-by-step diagnosis guide walks the whole route — referrals, costs, and waits.
3. You don’t have to wait for a diagnosis to start help. EIPIC — Singapore’s main early-intervention programme — doesn’t require a formal diagnosis to begin; a paediatrician’s assessment that your child is “at risk” is enough to open the door.

And can autism be picked up earlier now than the “wait until three” advice we followed? Broadly, yes. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends screening at the 18- and 24-month check-ups and says plainly, “Don’t wait — acting early can make a big difference.” Specialists can often identify autism from around age two. If your child is younger than three and something feels off, that is reason to check, not to hold back.

New to all of this? Start Here lays out the first steps in order, and the full early-signs guide (0–3) goes deeper than this page.